Nightly Musings

Just watched the movie Elizabethtown. One of the leads, played by Kirsten Dunst, is possibly the embodiment of my dream girlfriend, the one who you always wish you could meet and likely never will. You can talk to her about anything and count on her to tell it straight, talk to her for hours and hours on the phone without any pause in conversation. She is insightful and witty and fun. She has great taste in music; in fact, she'll make you a mix CD on demand and you will be blown away. She will do quirky, amazing things. (Like organize a 42-hour road trip, turn by turn, with matching music, including philosophical musings and such.) And she's pretty, but by that point, who cares?

The weird thing is that she reminds me of a cross between two girls I've met in my life, both of whom just couldn't quite be that full person. One of them was pretty close, but I only knew her for a week and then never saw her again, and then quickly found out that she wasn't who I thought she was. The other had other good elements to her, but I never really bonded with her.

I want to have an endless conversation right now, talk until the sun comes up. I want someone who will know me, or discover me, and listen to me spill my thoughts about everything while she does the same, complete with interesting remarks and understanding. I want someone who will make me want to see them in the morning, and drive hours and hours to see them.

Pause - my sister has been keeping my family awake with her talking on the phone, and screamed, and my mom came in to put a stop to it.

Unpause. I wish this person would come around. Someone who I'd meet, share a moment with, and miss when they're gone like a part of me had been taken away. I've felt that way once before. Turns out I was wrong. But that's what it should feel like.

Is that person out there? Is this wonderful mystery girl a fantasy conjured up in the movies, always just beyond my reach, never real? I know perfection isn't realistic, but I almost feel as if it's impossible to even get close.

I've told myself that the perfect girl is pretty, smart, witty, understanding, has a great taste in music, and... something. But there are a lot of people that exist without that extra something. And it's that extra intangible that makes all the difference. I just hope there really is someone out there, who I'll meet. I'm betting on it; otherwise I'll justbe searching forever.